Htebcam
by Arlothia
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if things didn't play out the way they did in Macbeth? Well here's my twisted version of Shakespear's classic work of Macbeth. Note: It would be better to know the actual play before reading this, but if not, oh well.
1. Chapter 1

**Wait! What's this? Another English project! Ya, so I have a lot of these. This has to be one of my favorites, though. On my word document I have pictures that fit the subsections but unfortunately I can't put them on here. I re-wrote all chapters/subsections of Macbeth so that things happened backwards (as you will read in the preface). I don't own any of Shakespear's works, but I can play around with them...a lot.**

Htebcam

(A.K.A. Macbeth)

Preface:

As you read the following, please keep this in mind: this is the work of William Shakespeare's Macbeth retold as the complete opposite story. For example, instead of Macduff killing Macbeth, Macbeth kills Macduff. All of the conversations are told by the opposite person. For example, when Ross tells Macduff that his family was killed by murderers sent by Macbeth, Macduff tells Ross that the murderers were killed by Lady Macduff and her son (seeing as all of the actions are opposite as well). This is done as much as possible while still attempting to have this tale make sense. In that case, some things will be carried out as was in the original text.

Htebcam, as is its name, is written in modern English for the consideration of the reader. It is thought that said reader may enjoy this retelling of Macbeth better if it were easier to understand. I hope that the reader will prefer this to Shakespearian English, what with all of its rhyming, odd spellings, mythological references, and so on. It has also been attempted to put some humor into this retelling to lighten it up a bit.

It is also thought that Htebcam may be appreciated more if the reader had already read the original version, Macbeth, so as to understand the humor at which I am attempting to make.

And so, without further ado, I bid you sit back, relax, and watch a masterpiece at work.

Chapter 1

Subsection 1

_Scenario: Three witches enter a loud and boisterous place on a bright and sunny day._

Three witches walked into a bar. One said to another, "Hey, Darlene, want to throw back a pint or two?"

Darlene replied, "Oh, I don't know Bertha. I'm not altogether thirsty just right now. What do you say Agatha?"

"I'm with Darlene," commented Agatha. "I don't feel like a drink at the moment. How 'bout a rain check?"

"But hopefully not in the rain I trust?" said Bertha. "The weather man says that next week Friday is supposed to be this lovely. Why don't we meet again then at noon near Forres?"

"Sounds alright to me," Darlene and Agatha agreed. All three exited.

Subsection 2

_Scenario: Duncan, Malcolm, and Lennox are at a camp near Forres when they hear an alarm and see Ross._

"Ye gads," exclaimed Malcolm to his father, "who in the world is that?"

His father, Duncan, replied, "That's Ross, can't you tell?" Then, speaking to Ross, "Hey man, what's up?"

Ross replied, "Well, the battle is pretty much how you left if. People are dying or wounded. And don't get me started on Macbeth. That guy and his friend Banquo are absolute losers when it comes to fighting."

Malcolm put his two cents in by saying, "I always thought better of him."

"I'm just going to ignore that rude interruption," murmured Ross. "Anyway, a couple of Norwegian ships came along by surprise and the Norwegian lord seemed pretty happy with himself."

Unable to control himself, Malcolm burst out, "What about Macbeth and Banquo?"

"They ran away like a bunch of sissy pansies. Last I saw of them they were high tailing it back here to Forres. I don't know why you promoted him to Thane of Cawdor."

"That will be remedied," confirmed Malcolm. Just then someone caught his eye. "Who's that?" As they were talking, a wounded sergeant came up to them.

Duncan explained to his son, "Why, that's one of our wounded soldiers, don't chya know?"

Lennox, before now excluded from the conversation, said, "What brings you here, you bleeding man? Can't you see we're busy?"

"God save the King!" is all that the sergeant said.

"Is that it?" inquired Malcolm.

"Of course not. Just because Duncan is your father and you don't need to call him by his title doesn't mean that we don't." This brought a few blank stares from the assembled company. The sergeant cleared his throat and continued. "I just came from the battle front. Those Norwegian ships really did a number on us. I am sorry to report that the battle is lost." This brought many shocked faces.

"You mean we lost?" exclaimed Malcolm, jaw dropping.

The sergeant continued with a nod. "Luckily, it looks like those Norwegians just wanted to fight for the fun of it. They left soon after everything was done and over with."

"Well that puts a damper on this whole day," said Malcolm. "Go tell everyone that Macbeth is demoted and that Banquo will be taking his place. We can trust him. As for Macbeth, I can't just make him a peasant for being a coward, but I'll just put him in as Thane of Glamis"

The sergeant replied simply with, "Sure 'nough," and then limped away.

Subsection 3

_Scenario: It's the Friday next and the three witches are near Forres, as previously planned (and it's not raining)._

"Hello Darlene! How have you been since we last met?" asked Bertha.

"Just perfect. I lost ten pounds on the Atkins Diet. Now I can fit into that cute little outfit I saw at the mall. What about you Agatha?"

Agatha replied with her own story. "Well, the day after we met I saw these adorable shoes in the window and I just had to have them. What do you think?" she lifted her skirt a bit so they could all admire her new footwear.

"Oh, they are so dreamy," agreed Darlene. "Anything wonderful happen to you since last we met, Bertha?"

"Well, now that you mention it, it's nothing quite as fantastic as your news, but my horoscope said that Macbeth and Banquo are going to tell us their futures. Isn't that just wonderful?" This was received by blank stares from Darlene and Agatha. Unperturbed, Bertha kept chattering away. "I mean, it's one thing to know your own future, but to know someone else's, it would be so fun to watch and see how it plays out. You know?"

Seeing how their dear friend was in need of desperate psychiatric help, Darlene replied, "Oh. Ya. Sure. That, um, that would be wonderful." She obviously didn't believe a word of it.

"Hey, guys," said Agatha. "You'll never believe who's coming our way."

"It is Macbeth and Banquo?" asked Bertha, excited.

"Yep."

Macbeth and Banquo walked up the lane near Forres. "This is a really nice day, don't you think Macbeth? I mean, apart form loosing the war and being seen as prissy little girls, the day went pretty well," said Banquo.

"Are we there yet?" whined Macbeth. Then he caught sight of three beautiful women standing by the wayside. "Whoa! Who are these fine specimens?"

"Hi Macbeth. Hi Banquo," said Bertha rather coyly.

"How do you know our names?" asked Macbeth.

"Please," pleaded Agatha, "don't get her started on that again. Just tell us your future and be done with it."

"Well, it just so happens that Macbeth and I looked into a crystal ball earlier today," commented Banquo.

"When the mist finally passed (I don't know why every magical thing has to include some kind of fog), I saw myself as Thane of Glamis, a demotion I know, but what do you expect for someone who abandons the fight? I also saw that I won't have any kids so there's no chance that I could become king."

Banquo continued from there. "And since we're on that subject I saw that I don't have a chance of being king either. What a shock."

"What a bunch of bologna!" blurted Darlene. "Why on earth would they make you Thane of Glamis? And why wouldn't you have any kids."

It just so happened that the wounded soldier, whom we have met previously, walked by at that moment to give Macbeth the news. He was accompanied by Angus, a nobleman. After hearing about his demotion, Macbeth mumbled, "Tell me something I don't already know."

Bertha, on the other hand, was ecstatic. "I knew it! I knew it! What did I tell you?" she asked her two friends. "I told you that they would tell us their future."

"Calm down Bertha," said Darlene dismissively. "So one thing came true. So what? It will take a long time to see if Macbeth doesn't have any kids." And with that the witches walked off.

"One down two to go," said Macbeth.

"And let the killings begin," replied Banquo.

Subsection 4

_Scenario: Duncan and Malcolm enter the palace of Forres with a flourish._

"Has he been demoted yet?" whined Malcolm to his father.

"If you're talking about Macbeth, then yes, he's demoted" replied the King. Just then Banquo and Macbeth entered.

"Oh," said the king glumly, "they're here."

"Well don't look so pleased to see us," Macbeth muttered.

Malcolm continued the conversation. "Banquo, how could you just run away? I thought better of you."

"I said I would follow Macbeth, and follow him I did."

"Well that's a dumb explanation," said Malcolm. "I at least have good news. I have just been named Prince of Cumberland. I hear they have very good cucumbers there. Can we come to dinner at your place tonight Macbeth? I'll bring cucumbers."

"Well in that case," said Macbeth, and hurried off to tell his wife the news.

"Come on Malcolm," said Banquo, tugging at Malcolm's arm, "let's get after him."

Banquo led Malcolm on, all the while thinking, 'I didn't see Malcolm here becoming the new king of Cucumbers. This will complicate things just a bit.' But he let the matter slip. It was time for dinner.

Subsection 5

_Scenario: Lady Macbeth is reading a letter from her husband in their castle._

"'Well dear,'" she read, "'the battle didn't go as well as we planned. We lost. I have been demoted to Thane of Glamis while that stuck up, arrogant pig, Banquo, becomes Thane of Cawdor. Getting off that subject, I met these three witches on the side of the road and they wanted to know my future (imagine that). It just so happened that I had seen a crystal ball earlier today and knew about the Glamis thing. I also learned that we won't be parents, so we won't have any kids who could become king, and Banquo won't become king himself. Go figure. Thane of Cawdor is really close to the rank of King. And by the way, Duncan and his clan will be coming over for dinner. Make something that goes good with cucumbers. I'll explain later.

'Love, Macbeth.'" Just at that moment a messenger arrived. "Don't waste your breath, messenger. I already know about the King."

"How?" was all he said.

"It's called a letter," she answered dryly. The door opened again, this time letting in Macbeth. "Oh hello honey," she said, wrapping her arms around him a giving him a kiss. She looked over at the messenger. "You can go now." The messenger shuffled off. "So why cucumbers?" she asked bluntly.

"Malcolm has become the Prince of Cumberland."

"Very funny."

"We will have to kill them you know?" Macbeth said, "so I can become King. And I mean both Duncan and Banquo. Even if we don't have kids, it would be nice to be king."

"It's a shame to kill a guest," his wife said with a sigh. "Oh well, off to planning." And off they went to plan tyranny.

Subscript 6

_Scenario: Duncan and Banquo are at Macbeth's castle._

"What a terrible night for a party," complained Banquo as he met the king in front of Macbeth's castle.

"That's Scotland for you," Duncan responded.

"And here comes our honored host," said Banquo, seeing Macbeth approach them.

"It's an honor to host you My Lord, and Banquo too, of course."

"Where's your wife?" inquired Banquo.

"In the castle, waiting for all of you."

"Then let's not keep her waiting," said Banquo, and they all continued into the castle.

Subsection 7

_Scenario: Here we see Lady Macbeth in her castle._

"I wish we could just get this all done and over with," said Lady Macbeth to herself, pacing up and down the hallway.

"What are you doing out here?" said Macbeth when he came upon her. "They're about to go to sleep. You have to get ready."

"But I don't really want to do this," complained Lady Macbeth.

"Would you stop worrying?" said Macbeth, exasperated. "The servants are drunk as skunks. They won't remember a thing. You have nothing to worry about."

"But he was being so nice to me." Again, whining.

"Get over it. You have to do this."

"But what if I fail?"

"But, but, but. That's all I get out of you. Just do your job and be done with it."

"Whatever you say sweetheart."

**More is yet to come! Have no fear. I thought I may as well do this chapter by chapter because this one actualy _has_ chapters. This should be fun. I already have everything written, I just like the suspence that this builds. "Ooh! What will she do next?" Please let me know at what rate you would like me to submit the chapters (there are five). Please R&R. Thanks a bunch!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay! Chapter 2. It's shorter than the first chapter, but hopefully just as (if not more) funny. Enjoy!**

Chapter 2

Subsection 1

_Scenario: Banquo and his son Fleance are walking about Macbeth's castle._

"Hi Dad, how's it going?" asked Fleance to his father.

"Has the clock struck yet? I haven't heard it."

"You didn't answer my question, but no, the clock hasn't struck twelve yet."

"Funny. It seams later than it actually is."

"Wait! I think I hear someone coming. Who goes there?"

"Oh you young boy, acting so brave. It's just me," replied Lady Macbeth.

"Shouldn't you be in bed? Or can't you sleep either?" asked Fleance.

"The latter," she replied shortly.

"I know the feeling. I had a really weird dream about those three witches Dad and your husband met yesterday. They were quite the lookers if you ask me."

"Aren't you a bit too young to be chasing women?" scolded Lady Macbeth. Fleance simply laughed and walked on with his father. "You know," she said to no one in particular, "I couldn't be saner about killing the king. I see no visions and after that pep talk with Macbeth, I'm as cool as a cucumber." And then the clock struck midnight.

Subscript 2

_Scenario: Nervous Lady Macbeth_

"Oh man. I must have drunk too much," Lady Macbeth fretted. "Now my nerves are so jangled. And what with all those strange noises going on I'm surprised I'm still thinking coherently. I must go and consult my husband." She walked to their chambers. "Hey Macbeth! Wake up!"

Macbeth rose with a start. "What? What happened? Is the deed done yet?"

"No. I drank too much. Can you do it for me?"

"No! You go do it. This task was appointed to you, Lady Macbeth. And if you do not find a way, no one will." Lady Macbeth slumped off, muttering something about Macbeth watching too much TV before bed time.

Macbeth lay awake in the meantime daydreaming, if that is possible in the middle of the night. "Just think of it," he crooned to himself, "next week, I shall be King of Scotland." That thought brought out a giggle, which was cut off by screaming.

"She tried to kill me!" shouted Duncan. "That murdering wretch tried to kill me!"

"Oh this isn't good," said Macbeth, putting on his bathrobe. When he came out into the hall he inquired as to what was the matter. "Who tried to kill you, sir?"

"That wife of yours!" Duncan was still screaming.

"Why would she do a thing like that?" said Macbeth, feigning innocence.

"How should I know? Luckily I got to her first."

"What? You killed her?"

"What else could I do? Sit back and have her kill me."

Macbeth attempted to compose himself. "Well, I had noticed that she was sort of on the crazy side. I guess it was for the best." A thought struck him. "What about your guards? Why didn't they stop her?"

"They are so drunk you can smell them from a mile away," replied the king.

'Well that's one thing that went right,' thought Macbeth dryly.

Subscript 3

_Scenario: Madcuff and Lennox enter Macbeth's castle._

"Why on earth was that porter knocking?" asked Lennox to Macduff.

"How should I know? Probably drank too much. It is a rather odd night, now isn't it?"

"Indeed. Oh, and here comes Macbeth."

"Lennox. Macduff. What are you doing here?" Their answer was cut off by the king shouting 'Murder!' at the top of his lungs.

"That," replied Macduff. They all ran off into the keep to see to their king. "My liege," said Macduff. "What troubles you? What murder?"

"Mine!" Duncan shouted.

"You don't look murdered to me," observed Lennox.

"No! I mean I murdered someone."

"What?" inquired both Macduff and Lennox.

"What he means to say is that my crazy wife tried to kill him, but he got to her first," described Macbeth, setting matters right. Banquo chose that moment to come upon them.

"Lady Macbeth is dead?" he asked, unneededly.

"Yes!" exclaimed Macbeth, exasperated. "How many more times does it have to be said: My wife is dead. For crying out loud!"

Joining the party came Donalbain and Malcolm. "Oh Father!" said Malcolm. "I heard your cry of distress all the way from England."

"And I from Ireland," added Donalbain

"Did you know anything about what your wife was planning?" asked Malcolm.

"Of course not," Macbeth lied.

"I find that rather fishy," said Donalbain.

Subsection 4

_Scenario: Ross and an old man meat outside of Macbeth's castle._

"Now isn't this a sour turn of events," thought Ross out loud.

"What do you mean there sonny?" asked the old man.

"Well, first Macbeth's rank is lowered, and now his wife is dead. How sad can it be?"

Macduff happened to come across them then. "Have you heard that Duncan's sons are staying with their father?" he asked. "If I were them I would get as far away from him as possible. He has totally lost it. It's like he's never taken a life before."

"It was a woman you know," suggested the old man.

"That's true," said Macduff. "And she was crazy and armed. I don't blame him. But do you think Macbeth had anything to do with it?"

Ross and the old man looked at each other. "Nah," they both said.

**Okay...I've only recieved 1 review for all of my stories (which I really appreciate, thank you MBE :)) But I would really like more. I don't care if you don't praise my work at all. It's just nice to know that people are reading these. So please, please, please review. Thanks a bunch!**


	3. Chapter 3

**And here's the third chapter. I see that people are starting to look at Htebcam and that makes me happy. Do you know what would make me even happier?...If you would pretty please with a cherry on top review...Please (puppy-dog face).**

Chapter 3

Subsection 1

_Scenario: Banquo enters Forres._

"I don't see why we have to have such a big party for a downgrading," said Banquo to himself. "It seems in bad taste if you ask me. Speak of the devil…" Banquo had just seen Macbeth. "Hey, Macbeth. Sorry about the Thane thing. Better luck next war." And, not wanting to be seen around Macbeth much longer, Banquo scurried off.

"Well that was rude," said Macbeth. Just then an attendant came to him.

"Excuse me my lord, but there are two men here to see you."

"Well then, show them in." The attendant left and was replaced by two men in bright white shirts.

"Macbeth?" asked one.

"That's me," replied Macbeth.

"We were wondering if we could kill Banquo for you. We know you want to be king, that's why you and your wife planned to kill the king. We thought we would make life easier for you." This was said by the second man.

"How did you know all of that?" asked Macbeth.

"We're murderers," replied the first. "It's our job to know these things. So can we help you or not?"

"By all means. Go right ahead." They shook hands with him, and left without a word. "Luck has me in its sight after all," said Macbeth with a smirk.

Subsection 2

_Scenario: Macbeth and a servant are in the palace._

"Banquo has left the palace," the servant told Macbeth.

"Good," Macbeth replied. "Very good."

"If I may be so bold as to say that my lord looks very clean and stunning this evening in spite of all that has happened," commented the servant.

"Why thank you," said Macbeth, rather taken aback.

"Then I take it that you are planning on killing Banquo and his son tonight?" inquired the servant.

"How did you know that?" the stunned Macbeth asked.

"I overheard you and those two men last night talking about your plans. You seem to forget that walls have ears wherever you are," explained the servant.

"Not a word of this to anyone or I'll have your head," Macbeth threatened.

"Of course not, my lord. I would never dream of it." The servant left with a bow.

Subsection 3

_Scenario: Three murderers enter a park near the palace._

The two murderers that planned to kill Banquo were staked out near the side of the road that he would be riding on shortly. All of a sudden a third man walked up to them.

"What the blooming are you doing here?" asked the newcomer.

"We were planning on killing Banquo and his son. Care to join us?" one of the murderers invited.

"I couldn't thing of a better evening," replied the new murderer. "And what timing! Here they come."

Indeed, Banquo and Fleance were coming up the road, heading straight toward the murderers.

"Look Father!" exclaimed Fleance. "There appear to be three men up there in the bushes that look as if they plan on attacking us. Let's get to them first."

"I couldn't agree more son."

So they took out their bows and then continued to kill the three murderers in rapid succession. Banquo and Fleance continued on their way as if nothing had happened. So much for a good evening for the murderers.

Subsection 4

_Scenario: Macbeth, Lords, Ross, and Lennox enter the banquet hall._

"Oh what a wonderful night this will be," said one of the lords.

"Well, I try," replied Macbeth. Just then Banquo entered into the room. "Banquo! Good to see you." Not.

"You will not believe what just happened to me on the road here," said Banquo, rather composed. Everyone looked at him expectantly. "There were these three men that planned to kill me and my son. Fortunately, we killed them with our bows before they knew what hit them." He ended his tale triumphantly. There was enthusiastic applause from everyone except Macbeth, who simply clapped without feeling.

"Join us man," said Lennox. "It's good to have you with us and not in some ditch by the road side." Banquo approached them gratefully.

"So where is your son?" inquired Ross.

"He's…" but he got no farther, for in the seat that he was about to take sat a ghost. The ghost of one of the men he had killed. "AHHHHHH!" exclaimed Banquo.

"What's the matter lad?" asked Macbeth.

"Don't you see him?" Banquo asked.

"See whom?" Ross asked in return.

"The guy I just killed. He's sitting right there."

Everyone looked at the seat. "There is nothing there but air," said Lennox. At those words the ghost vanished.

"Right," agreed Banquo, although still rather flustered. "Anyway, Fleance is…AHHHHHHHHH!" he exclaimed again, just as he was about to sit down. The ghost had reappeared.

"Oh, not again," complained Macbeth.

"It's not the same one, though," observed Banquo. "It is the other man that I shot. I'm being haunted."

"Don't be absurd man. There are no such things as ghosts," said Ross.

"You know," said Banquo, backing away from the table, "I think I'm just going to go home. I need to get some rest."

"Hope you feel better," one of the lords called after him.

Subsection 5

_Scenario: The three witches meet Hecate in the park on a sunny day._

"Hello my friends," said Hecate.

"Hi Hecate," replied Agatha. "You look like you're in a good mood today."

"Oh yes, very. I was just intrigued by Bertha's horoscope. I wish mine was as insightful as hers. What does it say will happen today?" she aimed the question at Bertha.

"Same as the other day, actually," Bertha answered. "Except Macbeth will be the only one coming this time."

"Isn't that just great?" commented Hecate. "I guess I better go. Lots of errands to run. Toodles!" And off she went.

"Gee it was nice to see her again," said Darlene.

"Ya," the others replied.

Subsection 6

_Scenario: Lennox and a lord enter Forres._

The lord said to Lennox: "You know? I don't think Macbeth is taking the death of his wife very well. He didn't even seem sad. It's like he expected it to happen. And he seemed sort of angry when he saw Banquo at his banquet the other night. But on a lighter note, isn't it nice that Malcolm and Donalbain are staying with their father in his time of need. Ever since he killed Lady Macbeth, he's just gone south."

"What do you mean?" asked Lennox. "He's just stayed where he is. He hasn't traveled at all."

"No, I mean he's gone crazy," explained the lord. "One fry short of a Happy Mean. One sandwich short of a picnic. Not the longest chopstick in the box. You know what I'm saying?"

"Now that you put it that way, yes," said Lennox.

"You want to know something?" asked the lord. Without waiting for an answer he continued. "I think that Macbeth is behind it all. I'm planning on waging a full scale attack on his castle in a couple of days but I can't do it alone. I'm going to go ask Macduff to help me out. I was wondering if you would care to join me."

"Love to," accepted Lennox.

**Hey guess what! You read to the ened of the chapter. Do you know what you should do next? I'll give you a hint: It has something to do with this button riiiiiight down here-**


	4. Chapter 4

**Just one chapter left. Please let me know what you think...because I know people are viewing this. You cannot hide. Oh, BTW, in the second chapter there was a connection to a movie from something Macbeth said. Kudo points to whoever finds the line and what movie it's connected to :).**

Chapter 4

Subsection 1

_Scenario: Three witches and Hecate enter the kitchen on the same sunny day as before._

"I feel like an omelet today, what about you?" asked Bertha.

"That sounds nice to me. I'm up for it," replied Darlene.

"Why not?" agreed Agatha.

"I'll get the ingredients," offered Hecate.

They got the eggs and the tomatoes and anything else they felt like putting on an omelet and started cooking. Right then there was a knock on the door.

"Come in Macbeth," called Bertha without looking up from the stove.

"How did you know it was me," Macbeth asked, entering into the kitchen.

"Horoscope again," replied Bertha.

"So what brings you here?" asked Darlene.

"I just smelled your cooking and couldn't resist."

"Aren't you going to tell us your future again?" inquired Bertha.

"Seeing how I looked into a crystal ball today again, I guess so." They finished cooking the omelets, making one more for Macbeth, and he began his tale:

"First off, I have no reason whatsoever to fear Macduff. He's a looser anyway. Second, anyone not woman born can kill me. And third, the only way I'll win the battle that's coming up is to move the hill of Dunsinane toward Birnam wood. It didn't make a lot of sense but there it is. Well, I guess my job here is done." And, as abruptly as he came, he left. Walking along the road, he came across Lennox. "What brings you here Lennox?"

"Just going on my daily walk," Lennox replied. "Have you by any chance seen Macduff lately?"

"I think I saw him over at the pub," Macbeth answered.

"I guess I'll just have a pint with him, then," said Lennox and trotted off. Replacing him came a murderer.

"Hey, Macbeth," one of they said. "Do you want us to kill Macduff's family for you?"

Now completely relaxed that everyone knew his ideas, Macbeth accepted the offer, being on a killing spree a he was.

Subsection 2  
_Scenario: Lady Macbeth, her son, and Ross enter the Macduff castle._

"Excuse me, Lady Macduff," said Ross, "but do you know where I could find your husband?"

"He's at the tavern," she replied curtly.

"Thank you. I guess I'll go join him." And off he went. Before anything could be said between mother and son, a messenger approached them.

"Have you considered liquidating your house and moving into a newer, more economically friendly home?" Not a messenger. A salesman.

"Well actually," replied Lady Macduff, "now that money is so tight I think that might be a good idea." The salesman left. His job was done. The next visitor was a man clad all in black.

"EEEEK!" exclaimed Lady Macduff's son. "Mama, it's a murderer. Let's kill 'em!" And without a word both Lady Macduff and her son pulled out a knife and stabbed the murderer.

"So son," said Lady Macduff, cleaning her knife. "What do you want for dinner?"

Subsection 3

_Scenario: Malcolm and Macduff meet at Duncan's castle._

"Ah, Malcolm, good to see you," said Macduff.

"Back at chya," replied Malcolm.

"Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to wage war against Macbeth, seeing how he is obviously the guilty party in all of the murders that have been going on. I already have Lennox on my side."

"That sounds like a great idea," agreed Malcolm. Just then the doctor who had been attending the king came into the room. "What's up doc? Any news on my father?"

"Well he's not getting any better, but he appears to be in a stable condition. I have him strapped to the bed."

"Good deal," replied Macduff, and the doctor left to attend to his patient. "Look man, I'm sorry about your Dad."

"Oh no. It's alright. I saw this coming since the night he killed that poor wretch. Anyway, me and Donald will be fine while he's sick."

"Glad to hear it. But look! Here comes Ross."

"Hello Malcolm. Hello Macduff," Ross replied. Then, speaking to the latter he said, "Hey Macduff, your wife told me I could find you at the pub, but you weren't there."

"I just left a few minutes ago from meeting Lennox there. Sorry to have caused confusion," Macduff apologized. "Oh, by the way, did you hear that the murderer has been killed?"

"What?" Ross exclaimed, sounding alarmed.

"Ya, my wife and kid did it." Macduff sounded rather proud of his family.

"Oh woe is me! I knew I should never have left them. I just had to go out looking for you. Now that poor murderer is dead. Oh woe is me!"

"Dude, the guy was a murderer. He deserved to be killed," explained Malcolm.

"I know," said Ross. "It's just that death doesn't set very well with me. I'm sorry." He walked away crying.

**Okay, please let me know what you think. Don't forget to review chapter 2 to find the movie connection! **

**Oh, I also have a poll on my profile page. Let me know your oppinion!**

**Please R&R! Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, I realized something when I was uploading this chapter...It was already on Chapter 4. Oops :). So, because I'm weird this way, Chapter 4 is now explicetly chapter 4 and Chapter 5 is, well, chapter 5. This is the last chapter now. I promise. So please enjoy!**

Chapter 5

Subsection 1

_Scenario: The doctor talks to Macbeth's waiting-gentleman at Macbeth's castle._

"How is the king doing," asked the gentleman.

"Not well I'm afraid," the doctor replied. "Here comes Macbeth."

"How fares the king doctor?" asked Macbeth.

"As I was telling your waiting-gentleman here that the king is not getting any better. In fact, I think he's getting worse."

"Oh, what a shame," said Macbeth in mock concern. Lucky for him no one noticed.

"Well, I'd best be off," said the doctor.

"Good bye," said Macbeth and the gentleman.

Subsection 2

_Scenario: Menteith, Caithness, Angus, and Lennox meet in the countryside._

"Good morning to you Menteith," called Angus.

"And to you, good Angus," he replied.

"So let's see, we have Malcolm, Siward, and Macduff. Where should we all meet?" asked Menteith.

"I was thinking Birnam wood. It seems like a good enough place."

"I hear it's lovely this time of year," commented Caithness.

"So where's Macbeth?" asked Lennox.

"Last time I heard he was on his way to Duncan's castle. He apparently wants to visit the king on his sick bed," replied Angus.

"So that's where we ought to be," concluded Lennox.

"But first," said Caithness, "to Birnam wood." And off they marched.

Subsection 3

_Scenario: Macbeth and the doctor are in a room at Dunsinane._

"So how on earth are you supposed to move this hill to Birnam wood?" the doctor asked Macbeth

"I was thinking that we could all carry dirt from the hill to the woods. The crystal ball never said move the whole hill," replied Macbeth.

"Good thinking," said the doctor. "Look, here comes a servant."

"What is it my good man?" asked Macbeth.

"I just caught word that Malcolm and everyone are at Birnam wood. It there was ever a time to fight them, there's no time like the present."

"I do believe you are right. Now off you go." Seyton chose that time to enter the room.

"Would you like your armor now sir?" he asked.

"I don't think just quite yet. You may leave us now." Seyton left with a bow, as did the servant.

"By the way Macbeth, the king is still as crazy as a loon. Killing your wife took a real turn on him."

"Him!" exclaimed Macbeth. "I'm the one who lost his wife. Anyway, I think I'll go fill my pockets with dirt now. If you will excuse me."

Subsection 4

_Scenario: Malcolm Siward Sr. and Jr., Macduff, Menteith, and soldiers come to Birnam wood._

"Today is a good day to die," said Menteith to the company with him.

"Indeed it is," replied Malcolm.

"And here we have Birnam wood," said Siward.

"I say we just stake it out here for the night. I'm bushed," said Menteith.

"Aye, that we all are," responded the soldiers.

"Let that husband of a traitor to the crown come to us. We'll have him right where we want him," said Malcolm.

"That we will," replied Menteith.

"And now to sleep," said Siward.

Subsection 5

_Scenario: Macbeth and Seyton are in Dunsinane._

"Well my lord, looks like it's show time," said Seyton to Macbeth. Macbeth's answer was cut off by a cry from someone further inside the castle.

"Great Gatsby," cried Seyton, "What was that?"

"That would be the sound of the king dying," replied Macbeth.

"What a time to die," said Seyton. "We were just about to go to battle."

"What do you mean 'were'? The fight is still on." Just then a messenger entered.

"My lord, everyone has dirt from the hill in their pockets. We are ready to fight."

"Then fighting we will go. Onward!" ordered Macbeth, and off they marched.

Subsection 6

_Scenario: Malcolm, Macduff, and Siward awake in Birnam wood._

"Oh what a beautiful morning," sang Siward.

"Oh what a beautiful day," continued Malcolm. Then they both continued singing.

"I've got a beautiful feeling everything's going my way."

"Um, guys," interrupted Macduff. "There's an army marching towards us."

"Or not," said Malcolm.

Subsection 7

_Scenario: Macbeth enters just outside Birnam wood._

"Here we are!" yelled Macbeth. "Fear us for we have dirt from Duncinane's hill in our pockets! Mwahahahahaha!" Everyone in the forest cowered in their boots. All except Macduff, who exited the woods to stand before Macbeth.

"I will fight you," he said, and without further ceremony continued toward Macbeth. The fight was short. A few blows were exchanged, but Macduff ultimately died.

"Is there anyone else who wishes to challenge me?" shouted to Macbeth. Suddenly a young boy exited the woods. This was, of course, Siward Jr.

"I challenge you to fight," he said in a very high squeaky voice. Whether this was because he hadn't reached puberty yet or he was afraid Macbeth didn't know.

"You puny boy," said Macbeth. "You cannot hope to fight against me." Not thinking him a threat, Macbeth turned towards his assembled army. "Take no prisoners and leave none alive. Charge!" With that, everyone started forward.

During the long and bloody battle Malcolm and Siward Sr. met on the battle field.

"Hey, there's a knot of Macbeth's men right over there," said Malcolm.

"Let's go get 'em," said Siward the elder.

"Aye," agreed Malcolm, and off they went.

Subsection 7

_Scenario: Macbeth enters a part of the battle field._

"I think this battle is going rather well," commented Macbeth to himself. He fought and fought until very few people were still alive on his enemy's side. He came upon Malcolm from behind and stabbed him in the back as only traitors do.

"Ha ha!" he yelled. "Victory is mine. I have killed the Heir of Duncan!" But all thoughts of victory were dispelled when he again saw Siward the younger come to face him.

"You laughed in my face," said the young man with much scorn in his voice that Macbeth took a step back. "No one laughs in my face. For that you will die. En garde!"

Macbeth had a sudden realization. "You were woman born weren't you?" he asked the young man.

"Indeed," replied Siward Jr. "One of few around here. Now en garde!" Without waiting for Macbeth to compose himself, young Siward lunged himself at his enemy and fought him with a series of strokes. Macbeth, being unprepared as he was, put up a very poor fight. It was inevitable that he should die, and die he did. So ends the life of Macbeth but there is still more to tell.

As the rest of Macbeth's men were either killed or retreating, Siward Sr. and Ross met on the battle field.

"I'm glad this battle is finally over," said Siward the elder.

"I can't say I disagree with you," said Ross.

"Have you seen my son by any chance?" asked the father of young Siward.

"Indeed I have," replied Ross. "He killed Macbeth over yonder." He pointed in the direction where Macbeth met his end.

"Oh my son!" exclaimed Siward Sr. "I am so proud of my son. No greater honor could befall him." He sought out to find his son.

Seeing how Malcolm was dead, the heir to the throne was Donalbain. Leaving the head where it lay, young Siward brought the rest of Macbeth's corps to the new king.

"Ah, brave Siward," said Donalbain when he caught sight of the young man. "I see you brought me a coronation present."

"Indeed I have my liege," Siward replied.

"It's good to have him out of the way," Donalbain continued. "But let's not tarry around this bloody ground any longer. Onward to Scone for my coronation and a party afterward!"

This was received with much enthusiasm from all assembled. "All hail King of Scotland!" they yelled. "All hail King Donalbain!" And without further ado they all marched off into the sunset.

**Okidoki them...All finished. Thanks to ProbableImpossibilities for the review! I wouldn't mind hearing...er, reading more of them *Hint, hint*. Thanks a bunch!**


End file.
